Far afield: Your weekly football fix from Afghanistan
10/24/2011 12:00:00 AM | General
Oct. 24, 2011
So I happened to speak to my mom this past week, and she had a bunch of my other family members over for a visit. Cousins, aunts, uncles, even my Grandma Gladys (we call her Happy Bottom, figure it out). There's a pretty good mix of Griz fans and crazy people (and by crazy people I mean fans of that other Montana team). The phone call was pretty entertaining.
My cousin's young son gets on the phone and says he wants to tell me a joke. He proceeds to tell me a joke dirty enough that I can't repeat it here. All I can say is that it involved a hairy pickle. I told him his dad or grandpa MUST have told him that one, and he says, "No, a girl at school told me."
Now what in the wide world of sports are they teaching our youth in the school system at Bozeman?! Hairy pickles? You would NEVER hear speech of those sorts in a town such as Missoula, ESPECIALLY with such a distinguished institution of higher learning within the city limits.
Now, for those of you who have read the past couple sentences and are feeling offended in anyway and have illusions of contacting the entire Bozeman school system to raise a stink, calm down. That's what we in the industry call humor. It's something that you don't take seriously.
The joke was hilarious, especially coming from him, and it really wasn't THAT dirty. Just saying "hairy pickle" is funny. And I'm sure Bozeman has a very fine school system. Their only real problem is their college football team. It's not even the players, really, it's more the mascot. Something about the mascot just rubs me the wrong way. I can't even say it. Now, something like the Montana State University Hairy Pickles sounds nice. Brings a smile to my face every time I say it. Montana State University Hairy Pickles. Yeah. I'll start the petition immediately.
Oh, and we're just getting warmed up, folks. The big game is right around the corner, and I'm getting a jump on it. When I was growing up, the Griz/Hairy Pickle banter was year-round, and it was absolutely hilarious. The best part about it was that no one took it too seriously. No one got their feelings hurt because it was just one zinger after another. Never out of hand and never got carried away. I get the feeling society has hindered our ability to do that because everyone is too politically correct. Well, I'm here to tell you that it would be a tragedy if that stopped. Keep it going, keep it fun and keep the zingers coming.
If you all remember, I promised some juicy, shocking news before the Griz/Hairy Pickle game. It STILL involves mutiny, and it has gotten even JUICIER and MORE SHOCKING-ER-FUL-ISH.
I hate to talk baseball again, because there is plenty to talk about in college football this week, but I have to mention the performance of Albert Pujols in the third game of the World Series. He had been getting some heat for one single play in the previous game in which he failed to cut off a ball thrown from the outfield. People were questioning his heart and desire. I saw the replay, and he just missed it. I didn't see a lack of effort. He just missed the ball. It was a hairy pickle play. Then, he got lambasted for not explaining himself to the media.
I'm not going to say he came out and answered them with his 5-for-6, three-homerun performance in game three. He didn't need to answer them. This guy comes every night ready to play. He doesn't talk to the media a lot regardless of how he performs. I'm sure he was more pissed at himself for missing that cutoff throw than anyone else.
The best part about his performance? His comments to the media afterwards. He put it all on the TEAM. He said he was happy he could contribute to the TEAM. He said his main priority was his TEAM winning the World Series. He said he was honored to perform at a level that is garnering comparisons to Reggie Jackson and Babe Ruth, and being called possibly the greatest performance in World Series history. Why can't more players be like Albert Pujols? He doesn't care what the media say. His sole focus is to be as prepared as possible to help his TEAM. Kudos.
What a weekend of football. Let's start with the FBS. We'll just kinda run down the top-ten teams and see what this weekend did for the BCS Championship, in my opinion.
LSU stomped a mudhole in Auburn and Alabama did the same to Tennessee. Those two teams meet in a couple weeks, and that's going to be a whale of a game.
Oklahoma got STUNNED by Texas Tech. That came out of nowhere to me. And it was in Norman. That's what shocks me the most. I think I might have jinxed the Sooners, too, because a couple weeks ago I wrote about how they had dropped out of the top spot all the way to No. 3 despite winning. I was "that guy." I turned to the pitcher in the seventh inning and said, "Hey, you have a no-hitter going!" Sorry about that. Sooners, you're out of the national championship picture.
Oklahoma State put the boots to Missouri and will most likely move into the No. 3 spot in the BCS. The Cowboys have a prolific offense again this season, but I just don't see them running the table to get a title shot. I actually wouldn't be surprised if Baylor pulls the upset this weekend, but I know for certain they'll lose to either Kansas State or Oklahoma. Heck, Texas Tech might even surprise them and ruin the season for the entire state of Oklahoma. Oklahoma State, in the words of Lee Corso, "Not so fast, my friend!" Try again next year.
Boise State beat Air Force by 11. They needed a better showing to make any headway in the BCS polls. They'll jump Oklahoma, and could get as high as No. 2 when Oklahoma State loses and after the LSU/Bama game. I'm not even sure they'll get the No. 2 spot after that game. Has a No. 2 team ever lost and remained in the No. 2 spot? If ever there was justification for it to happen, this could be the year. I'm a fan of Boise State, but they're going to need San Diego State, TCU, and maybe even Wyoming to show up in the Top 25 to help their cause. Here's hoping, because I honestly believe they can play with anybody in the country, and I would love to see them play LSU or Alabama.
Here's the game of the weekend: Wisconsin/Michigan State. I have a soft spot in my heart for Wisconsin, because I went to school at Marquette (undefeated football team since 1961). It seems they have one hairy pickle game every year. I think they had the squad to compete with an SEC team in a title shot, but they blew it again. I've never understood how a team can let a Hail Mary be completed. It's just dumb luck. Those defensive players should be gouging eyes out to ensure the ball hits the ground. Unacceptable. Badgers, you're out.
Rounding out the top ten are Clemson, Stanford, Arkansas and Oregon. Clemson will get beat by either Georgia Tech or South Carolina (probably both). Stanford will get beat by Oregon, and Notre Dame could surprise them. Arkansas and Oregon already have one loss apiece. You're all out.
Let's get into the Big Sky roundup!
The Griz defeated a game NAU squad. Lumberjacks, I asked you to step it up last weekend, and you answered the call. I failed to tell you to lay down this past weekend. Did not specify! Lady in blue, comin' through ("Super Troopers" reference, to any of you who appreciate one of the funniest movies of all time). You got me on that one.
I'll be honest, I'm a little worried about the defensive performance. We gave up 150 yards on the ground and over 300 through the air. Not a typical defensive showing. I guess it's better to have an off game and win. We'll definitely need a better showing next game, and I know we have it in us.
The Hairy Pickles squeeeeeeeeked one out against a winless Northern Colorado team. This game wasn't even over after the Hairy Pickles scored with over eight minutes left to make it 31-21. My mom blamed it on the refs. How cute. The excuses are starting already. I'll let you in on a little secret, ma: the dog never really ate my homework. At least come up with something original or entertaining. But I still love you.
That's a great showing, Bears. Just a great effort. I'd like to see you get a win this season, but I don't think it will happen against North Dakota. At NAU? Maybe. At home against Portland State, last game of the season, trying to fend off a winless season? More likely. I'm pulling for you.
The Hairy Pickles play Idaho State this coming weekend, and unless every player on the team has an alarm clock malfunction and sleeps through the entire day, it will be a blowout. I'll see what I can do to facilitate a mass alarm clock malfunction from my end.
Speaking of Idaho State, they got whooped by BYU. That was ugly. Idaho State, you probably won't win another game this season, but I ask one favor of you. Beat EWU the last game of your season. I said the Eagles wouldn't be .500 this season, and I want to be right. I don't want them to slip into the playoffs and get on a run like last year. It's most likely not to happen, I just want you to make sure the cat's in the bag and the bag's in the river on that one (thank you, Cliff Hagfeldt).
Heck, you've done nothing else this season except beat up Western State and Northern Colorado before the Bears figured out the season had started. I'll do my part by getting your dander up with repeated verbal lashings over the next two weeks.
Eastern Washington beat Sac State in overtime. I expected a close game with a different outcome. The Eagles are making a hard charge towards the playoffs. They have Portland State this weekend, which should be another close game and then travel to Cal Poly and Idaho State to finish the regular season. I still think they lose two of three to finish under .500. Sac State is going to finish in the middle. Man, we should have beat them.
Portland State beat Willamette. What conference is Willamette in? The Broadway Musical conference?
I think I may have underestimated the Great West Conference, as the Griz' next opponent, Weber State, got beat by Southern Utah. This could be the beginning of an ugly finish for the Wildcats. They have a five-game slide staring them in the face to end the season, and it's completely realistic that it could happen.
There you have it! More great games coming up, in both FBS and FCS.
Go Griz, God Bless, Keep Supporting Our Troops, Rangers Lead the Way!
