Far afield: Your weekly football fix from Afghanistan
11/14/2011 12:00:00 AM | General
Nov. 14, 2011
Let's get all the miniscule stuff out of the way first so we can focus on the important stuff.
FBS: Dadgummit you Boise State Broncos! Actually, just your kicker. Kellen Moore was given enough time to put victory within your grasp, and a freshman kicker will spend the remainder of his career at Boise trying to live that missed field goal down. I don't know that you were ever in the picture realistically. I was hoping. But now you're out.
Oklahoma State, HEL-LOOOOOOOO!!! Holy moly, Spicoli! I figured a win, but that was just uncalled for. I think you should have saved some of those touchdowns for the upcoming weekend, though. You'll need them against the Sooners. Too bad for you.
I hate to say I told you so. Wait, no I don't. I LOVE to say I told you so. Oregon beat Stanford. Now they're both out of the picture.
Houston will be the only undefeated team at the end of the season. Oklahoma State will lose next week. LSU will lose in the SEC Championship to Georgia. LSU and Alabama will play again for the title.
And there will be controversy once again in the FBS. Just go to a playoff system already. There is no mathematical formula that can replace a good old fashion 16- or 20-team bracket.
On to the FCS.
In the Big South, Stony Brook destroyed Gardner Webb, setting up a game between Stony Brook and Liberty for the automatic bid. I'm sticking with Liberty.
In the Northeast Conference, Duquesne put the dagger in Sacred Heart's chances by defeating them. That puts Albany in the driver's seat for the automatic bid.
Georgia Southern beat Wofford in the Southern Conference, and that solidifies Georgia Southern's conference championship bid.
The Colonial Conference picture is becoming just a touch clearer. My automatic bid pick, Towson, helped its cause by defeating New Hampshire and just needs to win this weekend to lock it up. And they will.
By beating Eastern Kentucky, Tennessee Tech has made me look brilliant once again. In the words of Mr. Burns, "Excellent, Smithers." They will be the automatic bid from the Ohio Valley Conference.
Sam Houston State remains the team to beat in the Southland Conference, and Norfolk State has run away with the Mid-Eastern Conference. No change.
Shocker in the Missouri Valley Conference. North Dakota State was stunned at home by Youngstown State. Didn't I just say last week how tough Youngstown State used to be? I did. I promise.
NDSU still gets the automatic bid, though. All that does is change the rankings. Unfortunately, that puts the Hairy Pickles in the top spot. Believe it or not, that makes me happy. You'll read why shortly.
Lehigh beat Georgetown. Is that the game they played on the aircraft carrier? Oh, sorry, that was basketball, and two completely different teams. I see Georgetown and just automatically think basketball. Lehigh still gets the nod and will climb in the rankings. I hate to be a spoiler, but here's a little knowledge for you: LEHIGH IS NOT THAT GOOD.
So my automatic bids remain the same: Griz, Liberty, Albany, Georgia Southern, Towson, Tennessee Tech, Sam Houston State, Norfolk State, NDSU and Lehigh. Take it to the bank. That won't change. Yes, I'm THAT good.
And guess what, I'm sticking with my at-large bids, too. Hairy Pickles, Appalachian State, Wofford, Northern Iowa, Maine, Old Dominion, New Hampshire, Illinois State, Georgetown and Duquesne. There's a combination of contributing factors there. One, did I mention I'm THAT good? Two, I'm sick of talking about all these other conferences, when the meat and potatoes, the big daddy, the cream of the crop is coming up. That's right, THE BRAWL OF THE WILD!!!
The Brawl of the Wild. What a great name for a rivalry game. And thanks to Wikipedia, I can tell you almost anything you want to know! I'll start with the usual facts that everyone looks at, but then I'm going to look deeper for some even more interesting, less known facts. Those are the fun ones.
This will be the 111th meeting of these two teams (in the same year that we had 11/11/11 ... cue the Twilight Zone music) since the first game in 1897. That math doesn't work out for even a genius like me. However, there were no games played in 1905-1907, 1911, 1915, 1918, 1924 and 1942-1945, and the teams played twice in 1898, 1899, 1908-1910, 1912 and 1913. The Griz lead the series 69-36-5, with the ties occurring in 1908, 1910, 1916, 1919, and 1928.
How could they possibly have let a tie happen? That's ridiculous. Not only that, but two of those ties ended 6-6 and all the others were 0-0. Yeesh, those had to be painful to watch. And can you imagine if it was a nice, bitter cold Montana day? I would have asked for my money back.
Speaking of not scoring any points, for a seven-game stretch from 1898 to 1903, the losing squad never scored a point. Unfortunately, five of those seven games were Griz losses. However, from 1933 to 1940, the losing team also failed to score a single point, and each of those years, the Hairy Pickles were the losing squad. So they didn't score a point against the Griz for eight years. That's more like it.
The last time the Hairy Pickles had a lead in the series was 1910. It's not as bad as the Cubs, but it's bound to outlast their current streak of not winning a World Series. I lay my giant head down on my dust-filled pillow and sleep well knowing that in my lifetime, I am 100 percent certain that the Griz will never relinquish the lead in the series. If they do, I will wear a pink tutu.
The most points scored by a winning team was 79 by the Griz in 1904 (followed up the next game by a real barnburner, a 0-0 tie in 1908). That's also the game with the largest margin of victory (79-0). The most points scored by a losing team was 33 by the Hairy Pickles in 1995. The highest total combined score was a victory by the Griz (imagine that) in 1986, 59-28.
There have been 3,600 total points scored in the entire series. I'm not kidding. An even 3,600. The Griz have scored 2,151 points, while the Hairy Pickles have scored 1449 points.
The most common score for the winning team is 38. The Hairy Pickles have won scoring 38 points five times, while the Griz have done so three times. Let's hope the Hairy Pickles don't score 38 points. The most common score for a losing team is zero. There have been 31 games in which the losing team has failed to score. The Griz have only been shut out seven times, while the Hairy Pickles have reached the pinnacle of futility 24 times. I'm not counting the three times neither team has scored, although I should because in my opinion both teams lose in that case.
Let's talk streaks. Not like Frank the Tank in "Old School" goin' streakin' in the quad. The Hairy Pickles' longest win streak in the Brawl of the Wild is six consecutive games, accomplished three times. They did it from 1899-1903, with two games played in 1899, 1963-68 and 1972-77. Yeah, the 60s and 70s were rough decades for the Griz. I think we might have been more into peace and love than football those years.
Anyone who calls themselves a true Griz fan is aware of "The Streak." The Griz won 16 straight games from 1986 to 2001. Average score was 36-16 in favor of the good guys. But the Griz didn't lose a game for 20 years between 1909 and 1928. There are some caveats: no games were played in 1911, 1915, 1918 and 1924, and there were ties in 1910, 1916, 1919, and 1928. But there were still 16 wins sandwiched in between all those no contests and no winners.
We had another nine in a row from 1933 to 1941, took a few years off for the war, then tacked another one on in 1946. We let the Hairy Pickles have one in 1947, then won another eight consecutive from 1948 to 1955. That's 18 of 19 from 1933 to 1955. I know you could have probably figured that out, but I just like saying it.
So all of that, all the games that weren't played, all the games that were played and nobody scored, all those victories by the Griz. Soooo many victories for the Griz. I mean a lot. Like, almost twice as many as the Hairy Pickles have in the series. That's got to be depressing if you're a fan of the Hairy Pickles. Maybe in baseball, where batting .355 is good, but not in football. That's atrocious. I know I was going somewhere with this.
Oh, right. It all leads up to this. I don't think there has ever been more on the line. The battle for the Big Sky title and an automatic bid into the playoffs. Yeah, I know both teams will make it regardless. But there are home playoff games at stake. There are potential byes at stake. There is the Great Divide Trophy at stake. There is an entire year of bad jokes and zingers (which we have had to endure for the last 11 months) at stake. The Hairy Pickles will most likely slide into the top spot in the country, and the Griz should stay at No. 7. This is a huge game OUTSIDE of the Big Sky Conference. I can't wait. I need to find a way to watch it.
Here's what I'll do. If the Hairy Pickles win this game, I will call them by their proper mascot name for the remainder of my articles. Sound fair? I may have to censor it, because I don't know if it would be edited out if I actually typed the entire thing. It's pretty offensive.
I teased you quite a few weeks back with some big news about mutiny. Well, here it is. I have it on good faith that a LARGE NUMBER of Hairy Pickle fans have been reading my articles religiously. And they've enjoyed them ALL tremendously. I know, it's big. Never before have so many "fans" jumped ship to join forces with their rival team. You all know who you are. Don't make me out you. We'll just keep it our little secret. Okay, you, me and all the Grizzly fans out there, but they won't tell, I promise. The best part about it? My mother is one of them! She's being pulled from the dark side!
What? You think she's reading it just because I'm her son? Nooooooo, you've got it all wrong. I heard it in her voice when she told me. I could hear that tone. "Pleeeeeease, help me, son! I want to be on the winning side! Please help me break these shackles of mediocrity and let me feel what it's like to drink from the chalice of victory!" I know my mom, and it was there. And all those other folks are lined up right behind her, waiting to gain entry into the Griz Nation. Good choice. Goooooooood choice.
So here we go. I can only imagine the atmosphere in Bozeman on Saturday. Let's have a great game, gentlemen. Here's my pick: The Griz win a wild shootout in the snowy confines of Hairy Pickle Stadium with a last second touchdown and upend the newly christened No. 1 team in the country. Final score: Griz 40, Hairy Pickles 34.
Go Griz, Hairy Pickles Suck, God Bless, Keep Supporting Our Troops, Rangers Lead the Way!
