GoGriz.com Valentine's exclusive: Lady Griz love stories
2/14/2013 12:00:00 AM | Women's Basketball
Feb. 14, 2013
Much is written about the loyalty and longevity of the Montana women's basketball coaching staff, and rightly so. It is the most experienced staff in NCAA Division I women's basketball, and the Lady Griz have had more success over the past three and a half decades than nearly every program in the nation.
What gets overlooked is that the four coaches -- head coach Robin Selvig and assistants Annette Rocheleau, Trish Duce and Shannon Schweyen -- have also had lengthy, stable marriages based on the same principals. Commitment, faithfulness, teamwork, hard work, devotion and perseverance through the ups and downs.
Given that it's Valentine's Day, we decided you might want to know how they got there.
Robin and Janie Selvig
The backstory: Robin grew up in Outlook, Mont. Janie was raised 18 miles away in Redstone. The two towns shared the same high school in Outlook, and Robin and Janie, who was one year younger, started dating in high school.
How it started:
Robin: Woo, that was a long time ago. We were going to school together, and there were maybe 50 kids in the high school, 15 or so in a class. You knew everybody, so it wasn't like you ever bumped into someone you didn't know.
Janie: He was the star basketball player, and I was a cheerleader, which was the only athletic endeavor open to girls. There were absolutely no girls' sports of any kind up there when I was in high school. To stay active, you had to be a cheerleader.
The first date:
Robin: I think it was the Snowman's Ball or something. Some kind of school dance.
Janie: I'm thinking it might have been a drive-in movie in Plentywood.
The aha moment:
Janie: My two older brothers and older sister all went to Concordia (College in Moorhead, Minn.). Rob was a year ahead of me and went to Montana. It was probably a turning point in my life when I followed him here. That was a big deal in my family, because everybody was expected to go to Concordia. I kind of broke the mold when I made that decision.
Robin: She went to school here too, so we were together for a long time. Our relationship just grew from that. When you date that long, you just kind of know where it's headed.
The marriage proposal:
Robin: I believe we were sitting in a car in her driveway in Redstone.
Janie: It wasn't anything like nowadays, when people make a big event out of it. It was just after a date, I think around Christmas. He proposed in the car.
The wedding:
Robin: We got married at Plentywood Lutheran. There was a party afterwards in their garage out on the farm. It was a pretty big deal because everybody knows everybody, especially with both families being from up there.
Janie: What you did in those small communities was publish an invitation in the local newspaper, and whoever chooses to come, comes. So the whole Outlook community and the whole Redstone community was invited, and it ended up being a really large wedding. But you have no idea beforehand how many people are coming because you didn't send out invitations except to out-of-town people.
Top Valentine's Day memory:
Robin: I've got no good stories. It's always in season, which is one of the problems with being a coach. I've probably been on the road for a bunch of them.
Janie: He's really busy during that time, but he usually remembers.
Best piece of advice for young lovers:
Robin: Help clean the house. My parents' generation wasn't one where you did that sort of thing, and that was something I needed to be better at. A traditional relationship isn't necessarily good. Take a day off work because the kids are sick? Always the mother. It never entered my mind that it could be me. Wished it had. I marvel at how much it's changed today, with the sharing of duties. Guys are more involved, and that's a good thing.
The other thing: Try to do more things together when it comes to family, because it goes fast. You turn around, and they're not there anymore.
Janie: When we were first married, it was my way or it was Rob's way. You have to learn to compromise. That's the big key in marriage. Compromising on not always having your own way. And stick with it. If you have a spat, patch things up.
Progeny: Jeff, 30 and a graduate of Montana, lives in Los Angeles and works for Campus Drive. Dan, 27 and a graduate of Oregon, is in his third year of medical school at Michigan.
Kevin and Annette Rocheleau
The backstory: Kevin, a graduate of Sentinel High School in Missoula, played basketball for the Grizzlies in the early 70s with Robin. Annette transferred to Montana prior to the 1979-80 season from Wenatchee Valley (Wash.) Junior College and played two seasons for the Lady Griz before becoming Selvig's first assistant coach in the early 80s. Now in her 32nd year, she is the longest-tenured assistant coach in NCAA Division I women's basketball.
How it started:
Kevin: Back in the old days the men and women used to have their summer camps together, and at that time a lot of the players that I played with would work the camp. Every night after camp we'd go down to Stock's and gamble and pitch dimes and pitch quarters and play Pop-a-Shot. Annette was part of that camp, and that's where I met her.
Annette: It was at Stockman's Bar. Rob was into Pop-a-Shot then, so we'd go down and play Pop-a-Shot. Kevin's nickname was "Rock." He walked by me and he had "Rock" on the back of his belt, and I said, "How cheesy is that to put your name on the back of your belt?" And that's where it started.
The first date:
Kevin: I think we went golfing our first date. She was a pretty good golfer back then.
Annette: We went golfing at Larchmont. Then out for burgers at Lolo Bar.
The aha moment:
Annette: We knew each other seven or eight years before we got married, so there was no specific moment. We dated for a year, then broke up for over a year, then got back together. Eventually it was kind of like nobody else would have us. I think we ended up together because nobody else wanted us.
Kevin: We were both kind of undecided on what we wanted. I had been through a marriage before, and I knew I had to be with someone who had similar interests this time around. She was a basketball coach, and I thought I knew a little bit about the game. We both golfed, we both loved the outdoors and being at the lake, so it all kind of worked out. That's what made it click for me.
The marriage proposal:
Kevin: I don't remember proposing to her, but I remember taking her dad out in the boat and asking him if I could marry his daughter.
Annette: I knew it was about time, because he asked my dad if it was okay. So I at least knew he was thinking about it. I don't think it was so much of a proposal as it was, Okay, we should try to figure this out.
The wedding:
Annette: We got married at the University Congregational Church.
Kevin: The reception was a great time. Their side of the family made all the food, and we had it out at the Orchard Homes Country Life Club. We had Bruce Wallwork's band, a big dance and a big feed. It was a blast.
Top Valentine's Day memory:
Kevin: We don't really celebrate that. Annette's generally busy, so maybe a card or something. Christmas is her holiday. That's when she goes big.
Best piece of advice for young lovers:
Annette: You'll know when it's right. There is really no rhyme nor reason to it. And make sure you're financially ready.
Kevin: What I've learned from my experiences is not to jump into it. Wait until you're older and smarter. I think the longer you wait, the better off you're going to be, at least in my case anyway. Marry somebody you have things in common with and not just a pretty face who comes along. You've got to have somebody you can do things with and share the same interests.
Progeny: Trae, 18, is a freshman at Montana and a member of the Griz soccer team. Ty, 14, is a freshman at Hellgate High School.
Kirk and Trish Duce
The backstory: Both are graduates of Missoula high schools. Kirk was a 1988 graduate of Hellgate, Trish a 1989 graduate of Big Sky. Kirk was a kicker on the Griz football team and still ranks in the top 10 on the school's career scoring list, Trish was a five-year member of the Lady Griz basketball team.
How it started (all answers from Trish): We met at a Steve Miller concert at the Adams Center. It was after Kirk was done playing football. All of our friends had gotten together before the concert.
The first date: It was so long ago I can't really remember. We all did things as a group at that time. All of his friends and all of my friends hung out, so it was probably something like that.
The aha moment: We had a lot of fun together, and he made me laugh. I hadn't dated a ton of people (before that), so it's hard to compare it to any previous dating experience.
The marriage proposal: He asked me to marry him on my birthday, maybe a year and a half after we started dating. He wrapped up a ring for me as a birthday present.
The wedding: We were married at St. Francis Church and had the reception under the tent at Caras Park. It was fun, because we still had a lot of friends from college around.
Best piece of advice for young lovers: Get with someone who makes you laugh, because otherwise you'll drive each other nuts. Kirk makes me laugh, and I think I make him laugh.
Progeny: Lexie, 15, is a sophomore at Hellgate High School. River, 12, is a seventh grader at Washington Middle School. Reggie, 9, is a fourth grader at Paxson Elementary.
Brian and Shannon Schweyen
The backstory: The Schweyen family was from Helena, and the Cates moved there when Shannon was in third grade. They first met as part of a church group. The Cates later moved to Billings prior to Shannon's high-school years. Brian, now the head track and field coach at Montana, was an All-America high jumper at Montana State. Shannon was an All-America basketball player for the Lady Griz.
How it started (phase I):
Shannon: I had a crush on him in fourth and fifth grade. I used to go to the roller rink and hope that maybe Brian would ask me to skate. I'd line up against the wall, and he'd just skate right on by and pick some other girl. He never picked me, and I was heartbroken.
Brian (when informed of this): She was two years younger than I was! At that age, that's big.
How it started (phase II):
Shannon: I remember running into him in college. One night I saw him out, and I told my best friend, "I am going to marry him someday." She was like, "Whatever."
How it started (phase III):
Shannon: We were at the Montana coaches clinic in Great Falls in the summer of 1993, and Annette dragged me out. Brian and I reconnected there and started dating. He had just started his training for the US decathlon team, so we were long distance while he trained down at Weber and Bozeman. It got too difficult to be apart, so he ended up quitting the training, and we got engaged and got married.
Brian: I was teaching at West Yellowstone (in 1993), and I went to the coaches clinic with a friend of mine who was in love with Shannon. We went to one of the bars and Shannon was there, and he was like, "That's Shannon Cate!" I said, "Do you want to meet her?" So I went over and introduced him to Shannon. That was the first night Shannon and I started dating.
The first date:
Shannon: I remember we went golfing at Larchmont.
Brian: We went golfing at Larchmont, and she hit me in the shin with her putter. We were walking across the green after she had missed a putt, and she swung the putter back in disgust and nailed me right in the shin. I had a big, huge monkey bump on it.
The aha moment:
Shannon: Even that first night going out at the coaches clinic, I just felt like we had a good connection and a lot in common. I felt like from the first time that it was meant to be.
Brian: You don't think about marriage on the first date, but I thought it had lasting power from the start. I already knew her really well, and I liked her and thought she was beautiful.
The marriage proposal:
Shannon: He's not going to want to talk about it.
Brian: She didn't like it. We went to dinner, and I asked her to marry me. Just leave it at that. (40 seconds later) Before we went to dinner we were in the car, and I gave her a ring box. She was super excited, so she opened it and there was a quarter inside. I said, "That's for if you ever need to call me." It was a tough dinner. (A ring was produced later that evening)
The wedding:
Shannon: Here in Missoula at Christ the King Church. We had our reception down at Caras Park.
Top Valentine's Day memory:
Shannon: One year Brian came in early and filled my office with about 150 red, white and pink balloons. I could barely open the door. He said he about passed out because he blew them all up himself.
Brian: The details aren't anything you can print.
Best piece of advice for young lovers:
Shannon: Marry the right person. You've got to marry someone who makes you laugh, someone you can trust, someone you're happy with, because they are literally going to be your best friend. Trust is the backbone of a healthy relationship. Marriage is a lot of work every day. It's not an easy thing. You've got to be with someone who's willing to meet you halfway, because you're on the journey together.
Brian: Listen more than you talk. That one took me a while to understand. Be open-minded and patient. More than anything, if both people try to do more than the other person in the relationship, it works. Too often people get taken advantage of. One person is always doing what they want and not always doing what is best for the relationship, with the kids, the house, the cooking and the cleaning. If both people are trying to do more than the other person, I think it works out really well. And don't keep track of who does what. There shouldn't be a list of I did this or you did that. Just do it.
Progeny: Jordyn is a seventh grader at Meadow Hill Middle School. Shelby is a sixth grader at Meadow Hill Middle School. Sheridan is a fourth grader at Russell Elementary School.
Bonus relationship story: Montana men's and women's basketball program coordinator Julie Tonkin.
The backstory: I worked for Abbott Laboratories in Illinois in the traffic department. Jim Palmer Trucking was a client of mine. Dennis and I actually met on the phone. He was working for Jim Palmer Trucking in Missoula at the time. We got to know each other over the phone.
The blind date: We met to go camping in Colorado. Glenwood Springs. It was the first time we'd ever met face to face. I flew and he drove, so he had the out. We camped on the river and went floating and biking.
The result: We'd go back and forth. He'd come to Milwaukee. I'd come out here. Finally it was to the point where one of us needed to make the move, so that's how I came to be out here.
The wedding: On the Greenough Park bridge in 1996.
Best piece of advice for young lovers: Be open-minded and accepting of one another. Listen to each other and have fun. Always be there for each other. And don't ever say anything you'll regret.
